“When I thought of nothing but to end my days in these troubles (which did not at all diminish the trust I had in God, and which served only to increase my faith), I found myself changed all at once, and my soul, which till that time, was in trouble, felt profound inward peace, as if she were in her center and place of rest.” - Brother Lawrence
When he came to accept life on God’s terms rather than his own, Brother Lawrence found peace within his soul. This “epiphany,” or moment of revelation, changed everything, because accepting life on God’s terms meant that God was involved in every detail of his life, and therefore God was present and near at all times...
We cannot change ourselves, at least not our deepest self. True transformation comes from God, and change will take place by itself, that is, by God’s inner work within you (Isa. 26:12). The process of spiritual growth is ultimately mysterious and divine, as Yeshua taught: “The Kingdom of God is like someone who spreads seed on the ground. He goes to sleep and gets up, night and day, and the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. By itself (αὐτομάτη, "automatically") the soil produces a crop, first the stalk, then the head, then the full grain in the head. And when the grain is ripe, he comes in with his sickle because the harvest has come” (Mark 4:26-29).
God is doing the work of salvation within you, and all you can do is accept yourself as you are in the present moment upon the “potter’s wheel” (Isa. 64:8). As the apostle Paul wrote: χάριτι δὲ θεοῦ εἰμι ὅ εἰμι - “by the grace of God I am what I am.” The great “I am” of the LORD is the Source of your life, from the beginning to the end. And it is because of the grace of God that Yeshua tasted death for everyone (Heb. 2:9).
When we come to faith and undergo “regeneration,” or spiritual rebirth, the seed of His life is planted within us and the divine life begins to grow (1 Pet. 1:23). Just as you did nothing to bring yourself into this world, so you can do nothing to bring yourself into God’s kingdom. Regeneration (and sanctification) is a miracle that comes “of the Spirit” (John 3:5,8).
We are witnesses of God’s miracle within us, and our great need is to trust in his plan for our lives, regardless of our present circumstances (Isa. 26:12; Jer. 29:11; Prov. 3:5-6). God’s plan includes the promise of heaven, but it also includes our inner struggles, our troubles, and our ongoing need for His deliverance. His plan includes a personal heart connection with you so that you come to know his love for you.
“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah” (Psalm 62:8). Pouring your heart out to God in an honest, spontaneous, and intensely personal way is called “hitbodedut” (הִתְבּוֹדְּדוּת) in Hebrew. We “pour out” (שׁפך) whatever is within us, both the bad and the good. We confess our temptations and failures, our need for his deliverance, our yearning for life, our sorrows, our joys, our fears and our hope. We show God what’s inside us, our intimate secrets, our “kishkes.” We hold nothing back...
After we “talk our hearts out” before the Lord, in our emptiness we can begin to truly listen, as it says, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength” (Isa. 30:15). Only after we sigh deeply and surrender are we receptive to the voice of the Spirit’s whisper. אַשְׁרֵי כָּל־חוֹכֵי לוֹ - “Blessed are all those who wait for Him” (Isa. 30:18). We wait, we abide, we persevere - even when God seems to “take his time” or does not immediately intervene in ways we might apprehend. We do not lose heart, for we find strength when we trust in God’s love... The Light of the world still shines: Yeshua, be my inner word, my heart, and my groaning for life today, and forevermore: Amen.
I’ve mentioned before that there are two basic relationships you will always have in your life: one with yourself, and the other with God. The “self” is really an inner dialog within the heart; ultimately it is a conversation with God. You cannot know who you are apart from God, though tragically people can suppress God’s presence and live a life of madness.... Sanity comes by the miracle of rebirth. Knowing God’s presence transforms the heart forever.
Open your heart and look to the Lord. Hide nothing and trust in mercy that changes you. “Come unto me,” Yeshua says. Come as you are. If you hear the inward call, he will give you the means and courage to come; he will impart grace to trust him that redeems you by his love. As you open your heart in trust, the Lord becomes your Refuge and Strength (מַחֲסֶה וָעֹז), and you will learn to trust Him in all your ways.
“I can’t change myself... you surely know that. Or I won’t change, because I don’t know how or I can’t find the willingness. You know this too. I am all emptiness; apart from you I am nothing. My heart pants; it’s hard to breathe; I am a troubled vapor. I ache in my powerlessness and in my hope. There is no good within me; I come to you, just as I am, and I am set free from myself, because you alone are the substance and heart of my life. Though I don’t understand whatever happens, and often I feel anxious and afraid, I find peace in you. Beloved. Accepted. Redeemed. Healed. I find my life in your presence, O LORD. Hold me fast and keep me close to your heart always. Amen.”
Psalm 62:8
בִּטְחוּ בוֹ בְכָל־עֵת עָם
שִׁפְכוּ־לְפָנָיו לְבַבְכֶם
אֱלֹהִים מַחֲסֶה־לָּנוּ׃
“Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him;
God is a refuge for us.”
Hebrew study card (pdf)
